My Depression Journey ❤️🩹
The truth is…
I was depressed most of my life 😥 I felt shame admitting it and guilted by my Vietnamese culture for speaking up about my feelings as I got older.
NO ONE REALLY KNEW I WAS UNHAPPY because I didn’t know what to say. I kept it to myself for fear of burdening others. I numbed myself with work and kept busy… all while putting on a brave face to pretend I was okay when I really wasn't 🥺
And honestly, I didn't take my depression seriously until I had my boys. I realized I needed to work on my mental health because my boys needed me. The REAL me... Not the fake one pretending to be "happy" and keeping it all together 😱
So, in honor of both AAPI and mental health awareness month, I wanted to share my vulnerable story and my biggest reason for starting Elevate.
⚠️ TRIGGER ALERT ⚠️
Here is a passage from my journal from a few weeks ago that I wrote to myself to unpack, connect, and acknowledge all of the events that led me to this point…
“Dear Zoey (aka Tam) 🦋
I see you now: the little girl who is afraid to be herself 🥺
You’ve gone through so much in your life: endured so much pain, heartbreak, grief, betrayal, and never really receiving the type of unconditional love that you needed to heal.
You were never encouraged to be yourself because of the sexual trauma you experienced as a child that left you broken, confused, and disassociated 💔 It wasn’t fair to you. You were robbed of your innocence and you were forced to grow up too soon to protect yourself because your parents couldn’t.
You became somebody you are not JUST to survive in this world, never realizing that it made you sick and depressed 😰
You became hyper-alert of your surroundings because you feared getting hurt again 💔
You became a perfectionist and learned how to manage your chaotic childhood through your need to control and over-plan so that you could feel safe 😕
You felt uncomfortable in your own skin - not being light skinned enough or skinny enough because you were bullied and culturally expected to be a size 0.
You became a people pleaser and worried so much about what other people think of you because it helped you identify the signals to adjust what to say so you could fit in, be accepted, and be “loved.”
You never learned how to love yourself because the people who were supposed to love you could only do it under certain conditions.
And despite the successes and achievements in your life, you still cannot see how amazing you really are.... if only you knew just how strong, intelligent, and brave you are… you would know that you are worthy of your own love and so much more. ❤️🩹”
There were so many times in my life that I wanted to give up and end my life, but I realized I had a much greater purpose in life after getting the support I needed to heal. I learned that the traumas in my life (from the sexual abuse to physical abuse to emotional abuse) were NOT my fault. However, it is MY responsibility now to acknowledge what has happened to get the help I need to move forward.
THIS WORK TAKES TIME, COMMITMENT, AND COURAGE. It’s hard to ask for help and at times this work can be exhausting & never-ending. But let me tell you something…. it’s so f*king worth it! I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life 🤗 and yes, I still have my moments, my triggers, my bad days… but they are far and few in between because I’ve gained the knowledge & tools to help manage my mental health better... And so can you!
Let my mess be my message: You don't need to put on a brave face anymore. Remember, what has happened in your life up until this point will not continue to define you UNLESS you allow it. It’s time to heal… because you are worth it.
✨✨ To all those navigating depression & their own mental health journey: I see YOU 🤍 please know that YOU are not alone and that your depression does not define you. Please get the help that you need and don't be afraid to ask for it - therapy, coaching, time off, meds, etc. Your family, friends, and the world around you need YOU 🙏
And if you don't know where to start or what to do next and need support, please reach out and allow me to be your guide. Schedule your free 20-minute consultation call and COME ELEVATE WITH ME. Let's create a new reality together and get you back to finding your inner peace, joy, and smile again 😘
...and if you are NOT entirely ready, that's okay too. It's okay to not be okay ❤️🩹
If you found this blog helpful, please kindly share it and keep following along as I’ll be sharing more tools, workshops, and retreats to help you navigate your own mental health journey 🙏🏽
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DISCLAIMER: The purpose of my work is to assist people in making changes in their lives through supportive guidance. The information I offer on this website is based on my life and work experience as a certified mindset coach and trauma-informed breathwork facilitator. I am not a licensed psychologist or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.
